We've all been angry at someone, or some group of people. Perhaps you're angry at someone now. You might believe your anger is fair, and well directed, but there is a difference between momentary anger, and clutching tight to grudges and refusing to forgive.
We often have the misconception that when we put up a wall of anger, our behavior reflects on our strength, our toughness. However, a grudge only mirrors bitterness, and weakness, as it requires strength, and dedication of your heart to heal and forgive.
You want to reduce hate, and crimes against society? Then practice forgiveness. Wrongdoing occurs, there is no hiding the harsh reality, but we solve nothing when we participate in revenge. When we act in an hateful, avenging manner, we not only wrongfully hurt others, but we hurt ourselves, as well.
This is not to say all anger is negative, we should hate what is wrong but we should never hate the individual, even if they committed wrongdoing. You want to be angry? Be angry about injustice, be angry about racism, be angry about poverty, be angry about the evil of the world, but only if that anger leads you to positive action to prevent (not avenge) the crimes you witness.
If someone provokes your anger, and you hold tight to your anger and keep a grudge against them, they have already defeated you. Forgiveness is a process, a road less traveled, but one that is worth whatever internal struggle required to remove the burden of a grudge. No matter what one does against you, no grudge is impossible to let go of, never underestimate the power of a forgiving spirit, in a relationship, in a family, in a friendship, in a community... in the world.
Do you anger easily? Are you angry at anyone now? Do you often hold grudges? Do you frequently seek revenge against those who have hurt you? Have you ever forgiven someone who has wronged you? Other thoughts?
Title Quote: Lewis B. Smedes
Photo Credits: www.flickr.com/photos/jgual & www.flickr.com/photos/amaliachimera & www.monoscope.com.
61 comments:
I love this post!
so true!
yes I get angered easily but I don't show it!
but I love revenge!
What a wonderful and thoughtful post! i for myself, forgive probably too much sometimes, letting people walk over myself a little. But I'm doing better. I can't hold a grudge though. I guess it is good.
Thank you for this. It makes someone think and look at themselves.
i rarely hold grudges but i wouldn't say i forgive and forget
i usually just put it out of mind
it's definitely important to forgive people because ultimately it hurts ourselves
What a beautiful post - it reminds me of a picture I have of a NYC apartment window just after 9/11 - the person living there put up a big sign saying "I will not be filled with hate". I thought that was such a marvellous and touching statement.
I'm not angry at anybody - it takes a massive injustice to get me angry at a particular person. And I think it's not so much the incidents that anger me, but the thought behind it.
I know I always feel guilty about getting angry at somebody, because I think it's wrong. So instead I keep it inside instead of letting it out, voicing how I feel and moving on.
Maybe it can be a good thing to just feel anger sometimes instead of letting it eat you up inside. At least then you're being honest with yourself and your feelings.
Of course afterwards you should try and heal by forgiving the other person and yourself (if you're like me and feel bad about feeling that way in the first place!)
We're human and we're going to feel a range of emotions. It's how we each act on them that sets us apart.
(Wonderful topic as always, s-c.)
how weird is it that we wrote about similar topic at the same time.
*mysterious music starts playing*
wooOOOooo psychic connectioooon..
I love the Oscar Wide quote and what you wrote about grudges taking up room in your heart where love could be instead. So true.
Truly inspirational.
I don't think I'm angry at anyone at the moment. I do, however, know how bitterly painful it is to hold a grudge against someone. It really is a waste of time and emotions.
This is a wonderful post! The photographs are lovely, and the topic is great. Life is too short to hold grudges. Simple as that. I believe in the goodness of people, and with time that will always come out.
I agree so much. Holding grudges make an ugly person and doesn't help people and things grow.
anger is a hard and difficult thing to handle within oneself.
we must remember that everyone has their faults and that this too shall pass.
what another lovely post S-C!
S-C, this is such an amazing post. it touches a topic I'm sure everyone has dealt with at some point. I have experienced it myself and surely enough, it was after I learned to forgive that all the negative feelings loosened their hold on me and I was on my way to being a happier person. :)
"Forgiveness releases you from something that will eat you alive; that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly." -The Shack
♥ R
i only just came across your blog, and i just want to say how pretty and inspirational it is.
the world would be a great deal better with people like you
i'm going to link you, you have a great blog
What true words!
A good wauy to look at things
my best friend hurted me badly, our friendship ended. but now i have tyed to turn the other cheeck, i have tryed to contact her..no results..i get really easily hurt. i am over sensitive person, but i dont easily leave people. even how much they hurted..
Gosh you got me there S-C I just had a week of super annoyance. I'll be a good girl... okay promise.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL POST DARLING!!! so inspiring,so true! needed to read this. thank you. you are a beautiful writer.your now on my fave link list.
muah!!
Marian
hi sc
was blog surfing and stumbled upon you
it's late here
bye bye from baggy eyes
xo yogi
Those are some very good quotes and sayings, not to mention true. I used to have a boss that would tell me that in order to deal with the rude people of the world, "you do not fight back; you kill 'em with kindness!" ;)
Thanks for your wonderful comment in my blog, S-C. Where up north are you exactly? I'm tired of the Florida heat. But did enjoy the little outdoor photo sessions with my brother. :)
We actually have colder weather this week. Have been cozy in my sweats and drinking hot lattes when I get up and all bundled up when I go out in scarves and jackets. YAY! <3
Have a lovely upcoming weekend... I'll be at my parents' for the 3-day weekend.
xx
Hey S-C,
I’m at the bottom aw lol…its been a morning, good, but still a morning. The snow has melted!
“If someone provokes your anger, and you hold tight to your anger and keep a grudge against them, they have already defeated you. Forgiveness is a process, a road less traveled, but one that is worth whatever internal struggle required to remove the burden of a grudge. “
SO true.
The quote for my “forgiving” would be….
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” ~ Catherine Ponder
And though, its still taking me sometime to soak this quote completely in my system along with yours, I’m able to think & allow myself to heal completely, I see chances….by & by :o)
Hope your day is cool,
i definitely agree that forgiveness annoys enemies greatly.
that was a wonderful realisation whoever first recognised it.
it is so true.
This was a really beautiful, gorgeous, inspiring post. Thank you! I've learned to forgive everyone but myself... but that's only because I haven't made things right yet.
What a beatiful post.
I love the Oscar Wilde quote.
Brilliant and truthful.
I just came across your blog and will most definitely be coming back.
xx.
This is such a true post.
There is only one person I hold a grudge against, and always will. Most things are easily forgiven in my book.
i hold grudges against many people.
i rarely forgive and forget, and i never forget.
this post was very thought-provoking, making me want to change my ways :]
x
jessica
thoughtful--i don't get anger easily, but i find it hard to forget, because it sort of makes me alert of being hurt again-- i so agree with you, forgiving makes me feel like this load is off my chest!!
thanks dear for your so so sweet comment,the borad games sometime ;-)
xoxo
this is so beautiful, and so true. such an inspiration!
collle.
your comment made my heart sing.
how do you do it everytime?
for reals.
your way with words is a gift.
run with it...
THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU
what.a.beautiful.post.
i definitely have an area in my life where i CANNOT forget what someone did.
it torn out my (my families) heart.
i know forgiveness comes with time+effort. but i think everyone has to be ready for it...
so for now.
i just lean on the man above.
i hate anger!
i only get heated/frustrated in times of stress ;)
have a beautiful day.
x.
thanks again s-c.
That's all very beautiful what you re saying, but if someone really hurts you and makes you feel really bad, you just can´t forgiven right there. It´s impossible, unlesss you have never been hurt, at least really hurt, but you don´t want to. seriously, keep on thinking like you do, and try to forgive, but there isn´t always as simple as it seems
This is probably the hardest lesson to learn. I'm still struggling to let go, especially when it's over petty little things.
How did you get so wise? ;)
What a fantastic post; it really got me thinking about my actions.
I do get angered quite easily. Most of the time it is just petty and I'm just fine by the next day. But there have been times in my life in which I was very angry at someone for an extended period of time...I have to admit that I've even plotted revenge a few times, too.
I just recently managed to completely forgive someone who had hurt me very badly two years ago. The person hurt me very deeply and I was angry/sad/vengeful for a few months, even though the person apologized profusely. The anger kind of died away, but whenever I got a little annoyed at the person who had hurt me, I ended up thinking about all the things that that person did, and that turned my annoyance into a something more - so I really completely forgave the preson; I just made a facade and pretended to, that I was over it.
Then a few weeks ago, I realized that I really needed to just let go with the matter and move on; that forgiving the person was far better than staying angry forever, for the person is one of my close friends, and I had been pretending for far too long.
After I decided to forgive the person I woke up feeling extremely light and fresh. A giant weight had been lifted from my mind, and I now I am completely over the matter. I felt really good about my decision when I read this post, too.
Wow, that was a tremendous comment; it felt great to put those thoughts down, though. :)
♥Tina
this is another great post,im the type of person who acts in the moment so if im really mad at someone for doing something harsh to me, i will immediately confront them because i dont like to hold grudges because there is no reason to keep that stress,build up into you and then you hurt others around you when you cant take out your anger on the person who is not around,wrinkles are not gonna become of my face because of someonelse's ignorant behaviors.
I have allowed hate and anger to destroy my life. My older brother is the black sheep of the family and that's saying it lightly, so I avoid going home and consequently, I haven't seen much of my family.
The last time I spoke to my mother, she said, "I'm happy for you. The only things I wish from you now is that you forgive your brother and go back to church."
And I said, "Never!"
She died soon after and I forgave my brother just like that. And he isn't so bad after all; in fact he's kinda pathetic and needs help, which mama had been trying to tell me all this time. And all I can think now is, "How could I have been so blind? And deaf? And unfeeling?" Because I could not forgive, it wasn't just one relationship that got affected, it was the entire family that got eaten away.
Now, I forgive. Every day. It's the only way one can grow and be truly happy.
Your post is wonderful, S-C. As usual! Do kiss your mom tonight for me when she comes in to pray with you and your siblings. She is a blessing. And you are a blessing to me, too.
AS ALWAYS, absolutely, absolutely BREATHTAKING.
You have such an amazing way with words and you add the finishing touch majestically with these beautiful pictures..
I always come by your blog when I'm in need of some time off and relaxation. You always manage to get me into a good mood :)
I thank you <3
XOXO
That is SOO true. I held grudges for years and years and I'm still trying to get over them.
That first picture is beautiful. Great post :)
Great pics
I get angered easily too, but never stay angry and when it is my fault, I do apolagise
It's wonderful and the words are very deep! I'm not a person that easy to forgive someone, but in time...i can always heal. I started to control mood now, and stop eating some chilli sauce^^. I just found out that a very thin line just pop up on my chin because I was too angry with my mom 3 days ago..>.<
Can I add some quotes:
Love your enemies, for they tell you your faults. (Benjamin Franklin)
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. (Mahatma Gandhi)
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. (JFK)
When you angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, one hundred.
my anger easily subsides but that doesn't mean my grudge does as well. i believe in forgiveness but i also believe you shouldn't forget. how else will the person learn if you just let it go. you'd be a fool if you do.
dear, thanks for the nice comment. that was such a tough day for me and it was nice reading a comment such as yours. :D
ahahhaaaa. i constantly hold grudges. i could hold a grudge for ages if i could actually be bothered. you're so right though. being angry takes so much effort! even though i would like to think i'm angry at someone and hold a grudge it just boils down to exasperation and me feeling worried. haha.
the pictures are lovely btw! <3
We often have the misconception that when we put up a wall of anger, our behavior reflects on our strength, our toughness. However, a grudge only mirrors bitterness, and weakness, as it requires strength, and dedication of your heart to heal and forgive.
-- How absolutely true. Ive almost read all your posts from day 1.. when I get there.. I'll let you know. Seriously, SC, I would love to pick through your thoughts one day. You wonderful, overthinker.
xoxo
V
Bravo, Susanna. I'm truly enjoying watching/reading your evolution.
lurrve your blog darlin.
Oscar Wilde says great things. "Forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more." I'll keep that in mind.
Well, I'd say I do sometimes anger easily, but I don't have fits of anger or anything like that. Probably because I'm pretty proud, I get hurt by the most ridiculous things. But it's like a woe, I listen to aggressive music then and then it passes over me. Today I got a bit angry at someone. But I managed to keep the situation calm for myself because I have experienced similiar situations with that particular person before, and we argued, and somehow that person was right, but the person just has a knack of hurting people. But as I said, I have experienced similar situations with that person before and I know that that person didn't intend to hurt me. So I'm not angry anymore.
But I just cannot hold a grudge, and frankly I'm happy I can't. I have a friend who really holds grudges, and that always makes me afraid that once that friend will hold a grudge against me.
I don't seek revenge either, I think that's pretty childish in most cases.
And yes, I have forgiven people who wronged me. I used to forgive too easily and was taken advantage of, but now I think I've found the balance. I am lucky to be able to say that no one has ever hurt me so bad that I would never forgive him.
xoxo
Cate
this is just beautiful ...the words and the photos ...and yes, certain weeks of each month, I anger easily :)
Good ol' Oscar always comes through with the quotable goods!
I like to think I'm a fairly forgiving person, I've even forgiven someone for committing a Jerry Springer-esque atrocity with a (then) boyfriend, although I did hold a pretty good grudge for a year or so.
Nowadays I only seem to get angry with myself, and that can be a little more difficult to resolve. But I just try to think happy thoughts and fill my days with tea and scones :D
the eyes of the little boy in the first pic is just soo haunting, which gives a great start to this post.
I am angry with someone now. Partly because of my bad mood and some misunderstandings. But i am trying to forgive her. Really.
Being angry with someone is that tiring, that feeling is a pain.
What an inspiring post, loved it all!
C.
Love this! It is so great that you are spreading such wonderful messages, it it so lovely to see! You are making the world that bit better each time.
I don't hold grudges and i'm quick to forgive, although i have been told that i am too forgiving. I never forget anything though, i remember every time someone has wronged me or treated me badly.
Love the Oscar Wilde quote!! Its just like how being nice to horrible people irritates them even more.
Thank you so so much for the E for Excellence award! It means so much to recieve it from you, as i admire your blog so much. Thank you one hundred times! xx
Beautiful images. Beautiful words.
a lovely post! it made me think.
it's important to forgive and to show people you forgive them. i believe that the most important quality a human can have is to be able to forgive.
i've linked you=)
Thanks for your great comment on my blog S-C ;)
I never seek revenge or really hold grudges...but I can be hurt easily and it can be hard for me to forgive people. I've recently been forgiving a lot more and I think that's important.
as i age, i become better at controlling anger and more at peace with myself. letting go is a great thing for a gal's peace of mind.
Your blog posts always want me to be a better person.I angry easily sometimes mostly around people I care about.
hi! i have to say that ive actually been a fan of your blog for a couple of months now. i just think that what you contribute to the blogosphere is so special and unique, and very conctructive & productive, a refreshing contrast to a handful of petty & ridiculous things out there on the net. so thanks! :-) (btw, i added u as a friend on facebook.)
WOOOW! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR PICTURES! SO SO SO LOVELY!
great post! really helps people reflect on themselves and see whats important in life you know? and i agree that forgiving is really important to move on from problems!
"Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much" - this quote is so true! And I agree with you that you only should let yourself be angry if it leads you to positive action to make an effort and to try and prevent the awful things that are happening in the world. It's so easy to let hate eat you up, but instead you should let it strengthen you and help you become a better person.
Thank you so much for this post <3 It makes us all stop to think about what is important and what is not.
xox
This is very inspiring. You blessed me with this post. We should all let go of grudges and resentment.
the sailboat picture is captivating.
and your post perfectly described me.
you blog always inspires me, not just because its beautiful but it always challenges me, i like that. x
this is a very wonderful post. thank you for inspiring us and giving us a reason to forgive.
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